first thoughts

My hiding out from the internet has continued, I guess, unless it is to google whatever funny pregnancy twitch I am feeling or to register for the occasional mondo giveaway for cloth diapers and baby things that I see on blogs.  : )  I have pretty much given over my twitter account to this purpose, because if you tweet about the giveaway, you get more entries...  I  entered some giveaways around mother's day and won 2 of them, so hey!

Oh Poppy...  for all of the dreaming I've been doing about him/her, I keep having these moments where it suddenly feels real, and I realize it hadn't felt quite so real up to now.  When we first told some of our friends and family, I would get that feeling.  Or when we had our ultrasound appointment and we both stared at that screen with such grave, respectful joy.   I felt some crampy pains a week or two ago that we, of course, googled, and were immediately reassured were normal, ligament-stretching pain.  The next day I was wearing a fitted shirt and Nat looked at me in amazement and said, "I see Poppy!"  I ran to the mirror and yes, hellooo, Poppy!  My pants had been tight for ages but there was no bump, only a very thick-around-the-middle look, and then suddenly - I looked just a little pregnant!  So I stuck my stomach out all the time and pretended I was an obvious member of the pregnant club when we were out in public.  We made an appointment with a midwife here after setting up all of our insurance ... that made it feel real.

It's probably laughable how little I know and read about pregnancy compared to how much reading I do about parenting.  I got at a thrift store and then quickly got rid of the What to Expect book because it freaked me out and made me obsess over every little thing.  I like the Dr. Sears books.  I'd like to get Ina May's Guide to Childbirth because I looked through it in the library and it seemed very (very) natural, nice, and overall, positive.  Why do we tell horror stories about birth?  Why don't we tell the good stories?  So... I'm guarding myself a little.  I have an app on my phone that tells and shows me how big Poppy is each week, and also gives daily and weekly tips, what not to eat, etc... and that has been more than enough information for now.

I'm taking a very simple mental approach to all of this, and that has really been a comfort.  For the times when I feel unsure because people seem critical or quizzical about how busy, ("crazy!") it might be with Nat in med school, and how cramped it might feel since we have a one-bedroom apartment ("babies come with truckloads of gear!"),  I do a little clicking around on the internet or some reading and always come to the conclusion that we in this country/time are spoiled and materialistic to the extent that it has addled our brains and completely replaced the word 'want' with 'need'.  In my heart I know that this is not the way that we want to live, and I think maybe we can get a good start by keeping simplicity in mind, even before this one child arrives.  It's a gift to be simple and free, and we can give it to ourselves, or not.   Gah.... not preaching.  Just reminding myself.  Simple, simple, simple, you can't take any of this stuff with you, babies only need love, food, and warmth, etc.  

So, I guess these are my first scattered blog-thoughts about our little Poppykins, who is already adored.  We think it's a girl, so we always say 'she' but we'll find out in a few weeks or so for sure.   I'll write more coherent posts later on, but for now we are going out to eat in this new city of ours.  Happy weekend!